Don't wait until you're a 10 on the WTF meter

I avoided a hard conversation with my CEO for months. Back then, I hadn't figured out how to get myself unstuck yet.

So by the time I did speak up, I was a 10 on the WTF meter.

Years ago I was hired by a founder who wouldn't actually let me lead product. Every decision got second-guessed, sometimes undone. They were so adamant they were right, I started questioning whether I was.

I was incredibly frustrated.

But instead of saying that, I tried to gently educate them. Frameworks, articles about empowered teams, slide decks. Honestly? It just came across as preachy. It didn't work.

What I should have said

I feel like I don't have your trust, and I'm questioning why you hired me.

If I'd just named it, I could've learned what was really holding them back, rather than burning out trying to prove myself.

The pattern

Since then, I've seen this same pattern play out with the leaders I work with:

• There's a hard conversation you're avoiding, so you hint and you stall.
• You convince yourself it's not urgent enough.
• You tell yourself that how you feel shouldn't get in the way of how you work.

Meanwhile, they have no idea how you feel.

What gets in the way:

• You're overwhelmed.
• You don't know what to say.
• And you're afraid of how they'll react.

What I do with my clients

I have them say out loud what they'd say if there were zero filter. Truly, the unhinged version. I clarify. Then I reflect back what I heard. That's it.

And you can do the same, with anyone you trust.

What feels like a mess in your head usually distills down to 2-3 clear truths. And once you see it, it's hard to unsee it, which seeds the courage for that last hurdle.

Don't wait until you're a 10. Try saying it out loud. Then go say it for real, before it spirals.

When you're avoiding a hard conversation, what helps you go say the thing?

Related: Say the unhinged version.

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This post originally appeared on LinkedIn.