Say the unhinged version
Most people think they're shouting when they're barely raising their voice. One of my favorite coaching moves: say what you'd say if you weren't trying to sound reasonable.
Most people think they're shouting when they're barely raising their voice.
I was coaching a product leader after a frustrating conversation with their fellow exec. The topic: redesigning a handoff process.
The other exec insisted on more documentation, tighter swim lanes, more overhead, but my client disagreed.
He tried to stay calm. Playing along at first, then gently pushing back.
But underneath, he was incredibly frustrated, because he knew this wasn't a process problem.
"What are you not saying?"
His answer was sharper this time, but I could tell he was still holding back.
"Try again. I want the unhinged version."
He laughed. Then took a breath and said:
"This isn't about handoffs. It's a dysfunctional family where teams are holding on to their Legos and refusing to grow up. We don't need a new process. We need people to act like adults and talk to each other."
And there it was. The real issue.
Not rude. Not unprofessional. Just clear. Grounded. Truthful.
The clearest message is almost always waiting in that last one.
Why it works
"The Unhinged Version" is one of my favorite coaching moves. Really, it's rarely unhinged. Just honest.
For marginalized leaders especially, any version of "fight" can feel dangerous. So we dial ourselves back 60% when we only needed to dial back 10%.
What would you say if you weren't trying to sound reasonable?
Related: Don't wait until you're a 10 on the WTF meter.
This post originally appeared on LinkedIn.